Reaching for my Well-Being: Making angry art was my first step
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I Think It Was Me Who Needed To Listen, 23” x 30” acrylics and collage on 300 pound watercoloUr paper © Deb Chaney 2007 Raw Expression Series
If you are joining me now for the first time, or have been reading my previous posts, you’ll know that I’m on a journey creating a series of paintings that visually embody my path to well-being. I’m calling them my Drishti Paintings and I shared why I chose this title last week.
This is my third journal entry whereby I’m sharing behind the scenes of creating this body of work, about their meaning, and my personal stories behind them. Why I’m creating this work, and why it matters so much to me, and how making art helped me along this path to finding my well-being.
So that we’re both on the same page, I will begin today by defining well-being. (Definition from ChatGPT).
Well-Being
Well-being encompasses a holistic state of health and happiness, encompassing physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual aspects of a person's life. It goes beyond the absence of illness or distress and includes factors such as life satisfaction, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose. Well-being is influenced by various factors including personal relationships, work-life balance, financial stability, physical health, mental health, and the environment. It's often considered a subjective experience, as what contributes to one person's well-being may differ from another's.
The beginning of my story, whereby I started creating art as a way to process my feelings, starts in the red zone, so-to-speak, whereby my first step towards finding my well-being was allowing myself to feel my anger.
Back in 2007, I was angry at being stuck in a marriage that didn’t work for me. I was angry about the expectations I felt were placed on me as a mother and a parent. But mostly, I was angry at myself for feeling angry.
Anger was my powerful default mechanism to handle the challenges life was bringing me. It was a habit and a default reaction. Back then, it was a place where I existed a lot, which was not in support of my well-being. Quite honestly, it's exhausting to be angry all the time.
Anger is such a taboo emotion in our culture. To me, it also feels so linked to shame. It feels to me as if you are angry, you “should“ feel ashamed of yourself for being angry, especially if you are a woman. I see the collective wagging their pointer fingers and saying; “You bad angry woman, you.”
The thing that we all need to realize is that, in terms of frequency, anger is a step up above depression and shame, closer to higher vibrational states. So when someone is experiencing anger, they are actually moving into their well-being and taking that next step. From a healing perspective, it is better to be angry than depressed.
The shift started for me with choosing to make art instead of harming myself or those around me. I took the massively intense emotions I felt, and I went and created my first series of paintings, all dominantly red, of course.
“Anger is a catalyst, an emotion we need to transform into something life-giving.” Atlas of the Heart, Brenee Brown
A few weeks ago, I was at the beach, talking with a friend who was feeling distraught, sad, and frustrated. She shared that she just wanted to feel good. There was such a feeling of frustration emanating from her because she was in a place of struggle and wanted to be way over it, immediately, to the other side, and into a good feeling place.
I listened to her share her challenges and struggles and then, before responding, I asked her to help me place a series of rocks in a row, going from smallest to biggest.
Once the rocks were placed in a neat row, I pointed to the big rock at the far end of the line and said, “This is you feeling sooo good and being super happy.” (aka, in her well-being)
Then I pointed to the small rock at the bottom of the line and shared, “This is where you’re at now, when you feel like shit and it seems like life sucks.”
If you want to get over to the ‘good feeling ‘ big rock, you need to take the step to the next slightly bigger rock, and then the next one, and one step at a time, you’ll get there. But it’s important to understand, you just need to take the next step.
“You only have to know your next step” - David Allen
Creating the Raw Expression Series was a way for me to handle and process my own deep and intense emotions so that I wasn’t hurting myself or anyone else. I was ‘seeing red’ so I just painted it... I needed to feel and then express that I was angry. Yes, it may have been angry art, but it was the beginning of my healing journey and I’m glad I made the choice to create something instead of choosing other destructive options. Making this art was my next step.
P.S. The new red frequency paintings in the Drishti Experience Exhibit will not be angry art (aka shadow side), but exploring the ‘light’ side of the colour and hues of red, the positive aspect of this frequency when we are feeling supported, safe, and secure. Stay tuned…
Click here to receive an email invitation to The Drishti Experience Exhibit - Capturing the Frequency of My Well-Being, a series of large scale abstract mixed media paintings for exhibit from November 2024 to Jan 2025 at Amelia Douglas Gallery, Vancouver, BC, Canada.
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